I dreamed I would have a daughter.
It’s just that I was absolutely certain my second and final baby was going to be a boy; it would be a blessing for my son to have a little brother. I diligently pulled all the baby clothes out of storage and prepared them for your arrival. We were going to call you Thomas, and I taught your brother how to say “Tommy”. Then the nurses handed me our baby and announced that you were a perfect little girl. I cried.
I dreamed I would have a daughter that would complete our family with giddy, effortless joy.
Instead…..you screamed. A lot. You slept little. You ran us deep in to the ground with exhaustion and tears and frustration. You whipped a whirlwind around our steady lives and kept us guessing where on earth we were going wrong. You showed us glimpses of your strength and perseverance, but my darling, we were not remotely interested in that at that time.
I dreamed I would have a daughter who would feed on schedule and roll in nicely with routine.
But you created a new routine. You fed fast and furiously, leaving me sore and confused whether you were actually getting what you needed. I second guessed the whole thing and my ability to provide adequately for you. But you thrived. You put on weight and your fast feeds soon proved a blessing. Routine? Mmmmm…not even close!
I dreamed I would have a daughter who would still need afternoon naps right through till school.
HA! You laughed at the notion of bed. You threw toys, you kicked blankets, you pulled blinds, you sang songs, you snuck down the hallway. Life was waaaayyy too exciting to sleep. You still live proudly by that motto.
I dreamed I would have a daughter who would be a companion for our son.
Oh those moments I catch you having an impromptu hug or giggling hysterically at your own ridiculous poo joke, my heart swells. Of course, that swell soon crashes, and the fight is on. The wrestle, the snatch, the tears, the kids crap that is sooo incredibly tedious and annoying. But daughter; you back yourself. You fight a damned good fight. Look out, world.
I dreamed I would have a blonde headed, blue eyed, ribbon wearing, tutu twirling little angel.
Yes dammit, it was my dream and I stereotyped a girlie girl- even more so when I felt I would never have you and would spend my life surrounded by boys. Oh I wanted everything for you. I wanted a tutu wearing ninja warrior. I wanted a girl who was proud of being a woman because it meant she could do ANYTHING. Oh my little love; you are all that and then some. Just be exactly who you are. Show them you are mighty.
I dreamed I would have a daughter who was kind and brave.
Life can sometimes be hard, my baby girl. Smile and let the world in. Taste it. Try it. Do it. If you must cry, cry with someone you trust. Return the favour. Share your crazy, your compassion, your courage. You climb on my knee and stroke my face if you think I am sad and you fight fiercely for what you believe is right and just already.
I dreamed I would have a daughter who would make us proud.
Sweetheart; you are only turning 4, but you make me proud every day. Yes; you wind me up mercilessly and I regularly tell tales of how bold and wild you can be, but don’t let the world take your spark. You have it all there inside you. I am proud beyond these simplistic words.
I dreamed I would have a daughter.
You became my beautiful reality.
Happy fourth birthday, my darling girl.